Welcome the the textual guide on how to break your computer.
We all get frustrated with users who break their computers sometimes. We all feel that if we could mete out some suitable punishment to the users we'd feel much better, but this tends to become a little bit expensive in law suits (bugger).
There is an alternative! The users hardware! After all, they have buggered it up, and it's on it's way to the big hardware cabiniet in the sky.
One must be carefull though, otherwise you can end up in a bigger mess than you started off in. (Safety glasses are a plus).
Wasted floppies
We've all had that time when the luser has come to us and has tried to get us to fix a floppy disk that's been used about a bazillion times to store their useless resumes and the like. Despite the fact that the cover has half fallen off, and the springs are sticking out they still insist that it's repairable and that the data on there is *vital* to their job...
right
So there's two things that can be done:
Strip the metal bits off (if they're really bent out of shape) and turn the offending diskette into a frisbee. Then grab one of your mates and play frisbee for a bit. Try and throw it as hard as you can. If you get hit, don't worry. The bleeding stops after a while (mostly). You can even play games with it: find the lusers office and try and get the disk to hit his reset switch. The first one to get it gets his beer shouted by the other for a week (or until the other guy wins on another lusers computer).
The disks do tend to disintegrate after a while, so make sure you offer to "fix" the rest of the lusers disks for him/her.
Peel the little round metal bit out from the disk. These make great little "mini-frisbee's" which are great fun throwing at people. They tend to hurt less, but the look of shock is worth it when you and your mates pelt them with 50 of the little bastards.
Failed cd burns, or those MS cd's
Instead of chucking these in the bin, they can be used for a couple of things:
They make great frisbee's, but they tend to hurt on a direct hit. They are also good for hitting reset buttons, but you have to throw them harder for that, as they usually have to break the case a bit to do that (they don't have points to press the button with).
Don't throw them to hard at walls though because unless you have hard brick walls (and even then) they can take large chunks out of the walls, or in the rare occurence, go straight through the wall and hit the poor pleb in the next office (although that could be a game in itself).
The good old coaster. Chuck it in the microwave on High for a second or two and watch the pretty lightning. Once your disk is "burnt" you can use it as a decorative alternative to a coaster. If you have kiddies then you can get lots of them and make up a mobile that shines pretty colors when it has light shined on it.
Dead Keyboards
You occasionally get the brain dead luser who just pounds away at the keyboard all day with his two index fingers, and eventually breaks all the springs on his old titanium keyboard until the only keys that work are the backspace key ('coz he never uses it) and the F3 key.
Grab the "Key Popper". The Key Popper is a giant screw driver that has a blade about 15mm by 3mm. The handles are usually about 2 foot long for extra leverage. Place the blade between two keys, then twist sharply. The keys pop of in oposite directions. Have competitions on how far you can get the keys. My current record is abour 13 meters.
Corridor Cricket is a great sport. It's sort of like Indoor Cricket, but not as many rules. You'll need an old keyboard, and a bouncy ball. You get the idea.
Extra points if you catch someone out AND catch at least one piece of the keyboard too.
Don't throw the keys away after you're done either. Once you've gone though enough you'll have enough to play "Keyboard Scrabble", although the blank piece (the spacebar) is a bit of a giveaway...
Dead Harddrives
Dead hard drives are great for aquiring durable frisbee's. The platters inside are just perfect. To extract the platter there are three things you'll need. Mr "Key Popper" the giant screwdriver, a moderately grunty power-drill, and the hammer aptly named "fsck".
Simply take the drive, and place it on the floor. Get fsck and beat the drive apart around where the screws go in. Most drives cases are quite brittle and tend to break rather than just bend. You use the Key Popper to lever up the casing on the drive to just "work it loose". Then you can continue to fsck the disk.
Note that this is a noisy thing to do, so it's best done in the room next door to where the boss is having a meeting. When queried, you're just "doing drive maintenence", or "stress testing". You might also want to do it on a non-carpetted floor (or on some other plebs carpetting), as the small itty bits of the disk tend to get mushed into the carpet, and you don't want to hurt your feet when you're walking around like a bogan do you?
Once you have the insides exposed, you can use the drill to drill out the screws holding the platters down. You should also make sure that you put holes in various other bits of the drive as well. Why? Just because. Proper evil grins and maniacal laughter is appropriate at this stage.
Now that you have the platters out you can call the janitor to clean up the rest of the mess, calling it an accident or whatever, and while he's doing that you can practice your shot by trying to play "coyts" on his broom handle. If you happen to hit him, well that's his fault for not moving out of the way. After all, you're looking after peoples equipment, you can't be expected to look out for the people too!
Dead Motherboards and cards
When the luser fries his equipment by "I only took the cover off I didn't touch anything honest" static discharges (or however the hell they did it, who cares? It's done and they should be banned from using a computer in future) you can simply beat the card apart with fsck the hammer, or you can be a little bit more inventive about things.
Break off any external railings for the boards/cards etc. You can then get out the trusty soldering iron and make an "art" sculpture out of the dead components. Don't just chuck them together and call it art, but try to express yourself (and no, making them spell out "FUCK OFF!" isn't good enough). Then you can sell it off the the local art gallery and make a quick buck.
Well, this only covers a small portion of what can be done. There's much much more, and the posibilities are endless. What you have here are some starting ideas which you can expand on.
Any spare bits of dead hardware welcome.