I'm not sure, but I think the recent overload might have been something more than just too many annoying people bugging me during a busy time. I've achieved a lot between then and now, and now that the busy season is over (with good results!) I can sit back and look at the work that I've done and be at least happy with how it came together. But even then, it feels that I'm more aware of the issues that I though I'd resolved a long time ago. I'm not feeling as depressed about them as before, but they're definitely sticking in my mind. More and more I feel that it isn't going to get better, so I should move on.

And then I get a phone call which makes me even more confused...

I've been doing okay at work, changing my work personality to fit in better with the others, but the little annoyances are still there, and still affect me. I was dealing with it fairly well until last week. While the work isn't stressful or hard, the constant distractions are preventing me from finishing (or even doing) the large important tasks. In two weeks, I hadn't finished a single one of those tasks (except maybe reimaging the lab machines - but that was fraught with problems of its own).

The straw that broke this camels back was the constant demands from certain a academic to resolve a problem that they were having with one of their applications. That was okay on its own, but it took one and a half weeks to get done because the academic concerned for some reason didn't want to try the suggestions that I was making. The constant harrasment and mild abuse during this time, on top of all the other petty demands and distractions from other academics that end up taking up so much of my time, finally wore me down on Tuesday. I snapped, and took the rest of the day off. And the next two days as well, for good measure. I came back to work yesterday (Friday) more relaxed than I have been for a long time. I even managed to knock one of those big and important tasks off my list. But during those two and a half days off, I came to the conclusion that I need a holiday.

Excluding weekends (because they're usually busy in their own right), I've not recently had a chance to take some time off and just do my own thing. In fact, if I think about it, I haven't actually had a proper break for ages. I was sick the week between jobs and for the Pemberton trip, and I was stressed over financial matters over the Christmas Break. The last real chance for relaxation came with the trip to Sydney last February. So I'm thinking about putting in for some leave after I've finished my list of Things That Must Get Done.

Almost a month later and I'm still sick. Turns out I had sinusitis, and it didn't clear up after the first course of antibiotics. So then I got a secondary infection (which was actually quite painful) and am back on antibiotics. Oh well.

Last weekend where gradings for Iaido and Jodo. I'm happy to say I passed both gradings :) I am now 4th Kyu in Iaido, and I double graded to 1st Kyu in Jodo. Go Me!

Things are taking an interesting turn at the Dojo. While Rebecca is leading the Kenbu side of things, I'm left to teach it about half the time as Rebecca and Marcus help out at the Mt Lawley Dojo on Mondays. Sure we've only got one regular student, but it's odd being put in a position where you have to instruct someone, especially since Kenbu is fairly new to me as well. I'm not sure how to go about that, and I'm a little worried that I'm doing it all wrong. We're also helping out at the Curtin Dojo on Saturdays until they can organise something perhaps a little more appropriate (if at all). Again, we're put in a position where we have to instruct, where we're probably not really best equiped to do so.

Through all this I'm wonderring: where are the senior students during all this? Why are we, junior students, doing this? I don't mind though, it's fun and hopefully I'll get something out of it if I don't bollocks things up too much.

Work is actually fun at the moment. Recently I mentioned I went to that Apple training course. While a lot of it was boring basic level stuff, I did manage to pick up a lot of useful information. So I returned from the training course and got stuck into setting up and deploying all the new shiny 20" iMacs for various staff members. From scratch. This included installing, securing, integrating into our network environment, reimaging, licensing, and documentation. I'm quite happy with the work that I've done with it so far. I've got two deployed to staff so far (as test cases), and after a few teething issues it seems that everything is ready for the rest of the staff. The last thing I'working on is a document titled "So, you bought an iMac". It's been a busy two weeks doing all that, but I'd say I've learned and achieved a lot.

The week started on a low note. Nothing specific, I just got frustrated at work for no apparent reason. That happened a little yesterday too, but I know the reason for that (same old story). But some good came out of it - I got fired up enough to get around to some of the things that I was dragging my heels over. That felt good, especially since I've been lacking enthusiasm and motivation recently (a real problem for me).

I've actually been getting along with the other guys at work recently. This is a Good Thing ®, especially when you consider my track record up to now. I wonder what they think about it, or if they've even noticed. Personally, I think it comes down to this: I've decided that in the position I'm nothing other than a Hell Desk employee, and will aspire to nothing more in the short or medium term. With that in mind, I've dropped all concerns that I've previously raised, and decided that I'll have nothing more to do with it. I'll keep my mouth shut or bite my tongue over the issues that I feel are important, opinions, etc, and they can go their merry way. I do regret that it paints me in a bad light externally, but it's about the only way I can find to survive. Because of this lack of concern, I just Don't Care any longer, which lifts a huge weight from my shoulders. This has made me a much easier person to get along with, and made it easier for me to get along with others.

Another thing that's popped up repeatedly over the last month or so is "So why don't you get another job, like you said you would?" Well I did say that, but after a lot of consideration, it's not really going to do any beneficial towards reaching my goals. In fact, if anything, it'll set me back. Additionally, I've made some commitments to this job. I'm not going into the details about any of the above here though.

So I'm staying for the short to medium term, and I've found a way to survive, and it's paying off. Aside from the lack of job satisfaction, I'm moderately happy.

We've just finished the first week of the new semester. Lots of new students have started passing through, and some of us (old-timers) are starting to get to know some of the new ones. This years students seem to be a cut above the students from recent years. For all their other faults, they seem interested in the course, the culture, and interacting with people. They're still full of the newbie questions, but that's to be expected from any group immersed into a new environment.

We're having fun breaking in the new students. They have enough personality that they can give back almost as good as they get, and don't seem to mind. Explaining the culture and vocabulary used in and around the common room is most entertaining.

But during the breaking in process, I started thinking about all the things that are part of the culture. And I realise that I've had no small part in creating that culture. I can see my marks all over it, from the stories, the vocabulary, the history, then dents and bumps and markings, etc. It's a good feeling - I don't think I've felt that I've left my mark on anything before :P Sure, it'll be gone in a few years, but it's still nice to know that stuff that I did had a lasting impact on people.

The downside to all this is that it's much hard to get a game on the pool table now than it was before.