The question about this blog that's been floating around my mind is: "Why do I write in it?". It’s not as if I have anything particularly interesting to say, nor do I say it interestingly. I can't write, and I don't have anything to write about. I do tend to use it as a dumping ground for some things, but the things that I think about most will never make it here.

Having a good writing style has never been a strong point for me. I tend to write about things the same way I think about them, which seems to be ass-backwards from most people. While I know it makes sense to me (because I know my own thought processes well enough), I know that other people reading these will come along and misinterpret most of it, unless I go back and rewrite it all. That takes time, and I'm likely to get bored and not do it. The last post is a good example of this. I think it’s fairly safe to say that my rewrites need some work too.

I'm not usually happy with what I creatively produce. I can be happy with a bit of code, a technique, some action or performance, but when it comes to my creative output, I am never happy with how it turns out. Writing is no exception. The things I construct in my head look great there, but I lack the ability to transfer that into a different medium, no matter how hard I try. I think part of the problem might be that I think in circles, recursively, with thoughts feeding off and into each other, building up over time. It’s hard to translate that into to what is essentially a linear medium (which is all I really know). What's worse is that the times where I feel that I could get these out are usually the most inopportune times possible - I'm driving to work, having a shower, or out with friends, etc. Funny how that works.

So I can't say the things that I want to say. Even still, the things I want to say are either too boring, or are so complex that it would take a book to do them justice. I've tried waxing philosophical before, but I usually give up after a while as the entries become too long and cumbersome. What I usually end up posting is "OMFG, look at me, I bought an iPod", or something similar. Not exactly representative of me or my values (for instance, that screams crass materialism, but that's not what I'm about).

So why do I write anything in here? I think it eventually boils down to some retarded idea of vanity. I've had a 'web presence' for a long time. I 've traditionally used it as a storage place for things that interest me, but I felt that it should be something that other people can get some use from too (after all, I do have some interesting stuff here). So, I started a blog, to give some sort of identity to the content within. Over time it appears that the blog has taken over, and now is the purpose. The blog is the website. The reason I write here is so I can justify having a website. Vanity.

The irony is that as purpose of the website, the blog gives identity to me. This, because I don’t seem to be able to write about anything significant, is not representative of me. It's 'Chris Lite'.

Or maybe I'm just full of shit. You decide.